Where I Have Been... A Lifestyle Post

This is first and foremost a beauty blog as you all know but I felt like my loyal followers deserve to know why I haven't been posting as often and why It may be awhile before it's regular posts again. I never wanted to let anyone in this deep in my life but at this point it's really all I have, I'm quickly learning that letting people in, telling my story and asking for help is probably the only way I will get through this.

I've done something in the last day that I never thought I would do, I never thought I would be in a position where I would need to do it either. I always, always thought that I could handle anything, that I didn't need help and that eventually it would all work out. Unfortunately, that isn't the case this time. I need help, I need roads to not be blocked, I need prayers (if that's your thing), most of all I need to get back to a place of love is all I need.

I opened up an account of Go Fund Me here http://www.gofundme.com/HelpUsHaveAHome which is a personal donation site where people seek donations for their issues, I swallowed all of my pride and I did it. I couldn't at this moment see any other way. The reason why I did it, I will post here, which is the same I wrote on the site, it's just some of my story because the whole thing is to painful to go through but I did what I could, which kind of felt freeing.

Our Story...

My name is Angela and my husband is Jim and I can't say that I ever thought I would be making a personal donation page for anything like this. When we got married three years ago, I was the happiest I had ever been in my life. I was under the impression of that age old saying "All you need is love" and while that may sometimes reign true, for us, over the last three years it hasn't. After our honeymoon, life hit us over the head and it was time to deal with real issues. We returned home, and my parents who were married 26 years and in my eyes perfect (I would soon learn that wasn't the case). They let us know that my dad had been laid off from his job and was going to file for disability for his severe arthritis in his hands. They weren't able to pay their bills on their own and they needed help. So instead of going off and getting a home like Jim and I planned, we decided together, that staying with my parents and helping would be the right thing to do. We turned over every penny of the money we received at our wedding to pay for bills. For the first year everything seemed fine, bills seemed to be getting paid, and we were handing over our hard earned money without a question to my mother to "help". She was in fact my best friend so I didn't think I had any reason not to trust her. That was until February 2 years ago when she said was "going to stay with a friend for the weekend" and Monday came and she didn't return. I was horrified, I called her friend in a panic, she had no idea what I was talking about, they had no plans. Of course I called the police, a daughter scared to death looking for help. We checked her cell phone and come to eventually find out, of her own free will, she had run off to Florida with an old boyfriend she found on Facebook. She finally contacted my brother and I a week later, I was traumatized. This wasn't the woman who raised us. She was high out of her mind and it was evident. She had no remorse, she said she no longer loved my father, and she was happy now and hung up right after telling me where to find the BILL folder. I found it alright, the mortgage payment was 3 months behind, the electric bill hadn't been paid in 4, the water bill in 2, cable in 2, the car payment was already in the repossession department. So I here I sat, devastated and broken. Watching my father try and cope with losing the love of his life. It was gut wrenching. A few weeks later she called, begging for help, and of course I went. I spent $400 in gas and told and drove 17 hours straight to Florida to pick her up, only to have her not answer the door. I called the cops, they came, the guy she was with answered, awoke her from her drugged out stupor and she chose to leave with me. I drove back to New Jersey and thought we could work this out, we could get her help. I was wrong, just like I was wrong in thinking she would take our money and actually use it to pay bills. After spending a week in a mental facility she got out, had no remorse and got right back on a bus to Florida and left us to fend for ourselves again. At this point my father wasn't working so my husband and I were spending every penny we had to keep this family together. In that time, my car was repossessed because I felt the mortgage and electric were more important. Over the span of a year, she bounced back and forth between a drug filled life in Florida to staying with a friend in Pennsylvania pretending to get clean. All the while allowing this random guy access to my social security number and bank account information putting my husband and I further into debt. I did everything I could to fix what she broke. In that time my dear father also had a stroke and I was scraping money together to pay medical bills. It was, what I thought, was the worst time of my life. I turned to friends and family for help but in this economy it isn't much. About a year ago my father decided to forgive my mother, his wife and they got an apartment together. At that point I couldn't bring myself to forgive her like he was, it was like my whole life had been a lie and I couldn't get past it. I was an emotional wreck inside, but trying my damndest to hold it together for everyone else. My husband and I stayed in the house my parents owned and continued to pay all of the bills every month, with no room to save. Literally everything we had went into it. That's our back story and that is a big part of why I am in the position I am now. About a month ago, my parents were evicted from their apartment and of course came back here, I may have been at a place where I could forgive what she did but unable to forget. Unfortunately I know that I can't ever heal that relationship, if there is a chance, if I am in the same house as her. I am falling apart. I want a life, I want to start a family with my husband, I had a miscarriage not to long ago brought on by the stress of all of this and I don't want that to happen again, I want more then anything to be a mother and a wife and to do it free of all of this emotional hell and turmoil and most of all I want to just have a place for him and I to call home. That's what brings me here, I have no where else to go, I am swallowing all of my pride and begging for help and kindness. Our credit is so screwed up and we have no savings. I have no where to turn. I've been able to find rental properties close to my husbands work , but nothing that doesn't require first, last and security. We have the money to afford a monthly rent payment, and live comfortably once we get into a home, it's just getting into a place that is the issue. We just don't have it. I've exhausted all of my options, and while some frowned upon me putting my story out there like this. I have nothing else, I have no where else to turn. While we have a strong support system of friends and family. There isn't anyone who could take on this financial responsibility to help. So I come to all of you, some friends, family and maybe even complete strangers to ask for anything that you could do to help my husband and I find a home and get back to a place where all we need is love. 

I know this is long, and I know some people won't agree with me putting myself out there and the things that I am doing. I have to try though.  I have to make this work, I'm out of options. I need us to be our own family and be happy. 

A message to the wonderful people who have already donated, I don't have the words to describe to thank you all. I feel truly blessed and touched by all of your generosity. As the donations come in I continue to shed tears, happy ones, because I am truly grateful for this help. It helps me believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's restoring my faith, when for so long I have been lost and broken.

I'm truly seeing the kindness of friends, family but most of all complete strangers who have let go of their hard earned money to help my husband and I and it has been completely touching, I feel blessed. I don't think I'll ever have the words to truly say thank you. 

I've added the the link to our donation site above and right HERE, I'm not asking for you all to donate, I more then most realize how truly bad the economy is and that people just don't have it but I would love if you would take the time to share my story. It would mean more to me then you could imagine. I've added a button to my sidebar, if you would like to add it to your blog, I would love that and just email me at angela.peters6@gmail.com an d I can give you the button code. Thank you.